September 2011
83 posts
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Playground Police
animalsbeingdicks:
HEY…CUT THE SHIT!
Am I the only one who wants to know what happened immediately afterward?
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To all Occupy Wall Street Participants, here is... →
wilwheaton:
From Reddit, where the comments are also worth reading:
Guys, listen. Here’s the deal.
I love you guys with every shred of my hard-left leaning heart. But I think you might be doing something wrong. Here is one thing that can help you.
Tomorrow, wear a polo and khakis
Seriously. polos and khakis. Every time you guys DO finally get some fucking press, it’s a scrawny dude with...
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It's the Browncoats Mixtape →
If you are a person for whom the Venn diagram circles labeled “rap” and “Firefly” intersect, I have a present for you.
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nunbuckets asked: About the cat. You should put a note on its collar and see if it brings one back to you.
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"I'd like to introduce you to a close personal...
I came upstairs to brush my teeth from having finally gotten around to my annual viewing of the special edition of Aliens, only to find an enormous spider on the wall of my bathroom. “Well, fuck,” I said out loud, and went to go get the hefty, spatulate cardboard weapon I constructed years ago for spider-elimination purposes that I call the Sorry Stick. A well-placed smack and it was...
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Frenetic laziness
If it makes any sense, I’m both too busy and too lazy to take all of these Ghostbusters personality quizzes I’ve googled up just to see if they exist. I want one that’ll give me an approximate percentage of which dude makes up my inner self. Am I more Ray Stantz than Egon Spengler? How much of me is Venkman? Or Winston Zeddemore? Why do I ask questions that cannot be answered?
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Is Australia the deadliest place on earth? →
Regardless of what this article says, I admit to an abiding belief in Australia as a continent teeming with animals that drip venom from their spurs and lie in wait for a hapless human to chance across their path. One of these days I will go there, and I will be tested.
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I rewrote my OKcupid profile into a D&D character... →
flavorcountry:
There’s really nothing else to say, is there.
Wait, there is: I fixed the stats, which had some problems because I forgot how leveling bonuses worked. I can admit this.
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I rewrote my OKcupid profile into a D&D character... →
There’s really nothing else to say, is there.
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More questions for social sciences
thelastgreatpoolparty:
If you’ve never smelled durian, imagine 1. baby diarrhea mixed with 2. a dead rat in your wall or under your couch, slowly decomposing on the hottest, most humid day of the year and 3. garbage water.
I cannot imagine any circumstance under which I could be persuaded to put something that smelled like this in my mouth. Who was the guy who first got a whiff of this fruit...
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Watchcomicsalliance:
Batman Interrogates Birthday Clown In New CollegeHumor Video We’ve reaffirmed that dickish superheroes are basically always funny with Funny Or Die’s incredibly good Captain Planet parody, but CollegeHumor raises the bar with a new video that takes on the famous Joker interrogation scene from The Dark Knight. While Christian Bale’s infamous Batman voice and other idiosyncrasies...
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If I seem distracted
It’s because some part of my brain is engaged with the background task of rewriting my OKcupid profile as a D&D character sheet. That is all.
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PREPARE CODE OMEGA
I’ve just been linked to a study that suggests potatoes might make you fat. In my mind, that means we’re getting perilously close to a world where it might be possible to become allergic to potatoes. In which case:
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An open letter to farmers with plots along...
Please put up a sign by the highway that tells us what you’re growing. I just want to know what all those plants are. There’s nothing else to look at along I-5 between here and Los Angeles, and you’re clearly already aware of this, given all the signs you’ve put up that talk about your water problems (which btw, sorry, bro). All I’m asking is that you just put up one...
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Weekend: satisfactory
Last weekend I went to LA, saw many of my favorite people in the world, and got to eat at Roscoe’s. Now this one: I came back from Chicago (and one of the best weddings in recent memory) to shower, change, and head right back out the door to a bonfire where it turned out I did, in fact, remember the guitar chords to “Creep.” I had some excellent ramen, the best torta in town, and...
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Fox considering TV channel that plays nothing but... →
How would this work, though? Would they just show every episode consecutively? In which case the ratings would establish a sine curve almost immediately, peaking in the single-digit seasons and bottoming thereafter, cycling in endless repetition. Or maybe they’d establish themed programming hours — Bart-centric episodes, movie parodies, all the Sideshow Bob ones, Homer’s Greatest...
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I am the internet's most popular man
When ComicsAlliance reblogs an old, extremely nerdy post of yours, suddenly there’s a lot of activity on your Dashboard. Or at least, what feels like a lot. What should I do with my newfound influence and power? I promise to be a benevolent overlord.
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I keep finding these
It’s a #firstworldproblem kind of week, maybe: I’m typing this from my seat on a Virgin flight to Chicago,* which is goddamn fantastic, but sometimes there are naked ladies on my Tumblr dashboard; probably not something I want everyone to see me lookin’ at.
* There’s a limited number of “Google Chromebooks” they’re lending to people for free for the...
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#FIRSTWORLDPROBLEM
I have this USB thumb drive that takes at least twice as long to transfer files to as my other one. I have no idea why this is. I’ve heard that sometimes these drives are just a USB housing for a regular-ass SD card, so maybe that’s it, but whatever the reason, it’s annoying as hell.
Holy shitting fuck: I’ve got a device the size of my thumb that holds 8 FUCKING GIGABYTES...
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What is the chemical formula for the chill pill
I’ve got about six hours until I need to be anywhere and I have no idea what to do with myself. This is what it’s come to: my life is usually such a colossal to-do list that when faced with blank space, I freeze. I finished my book. Do I start a new one? Am I hungry? I should go get something to eat.
(Normally I’d think of making something, but I can’t really have...
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I AM GOING TO FINISH THE ALGEBRAIST TONIGHT AND...
I MEAN IT
ANYTHING THAT IS NOT SOME PEACHES, A GLASS OF WATER, AND THIS IAIN M. BANKS BOOK CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF
DAMN
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The state of nature
Cats and raccoons are enemies, aren’t they?
On my drive back home, about a hundred yards from my house, I caught a raccoon in my headlights; it looked at me, and went about its business rummaging in the bushes. I turned the corner, and there was a cat doing the catloaf thing right by the side of the street. Were these animals unaware of each other? Perhaps they had already battled and were...
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I'm convinced it's not just me
I’m down in LA right now visiting friends and such, and I’m nearly positive the sunlight really is different down here. It’s got to be some sort of smog filter. Things don’t look like this up in San Francisco. #obvious #observations
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