Welcome to Flavor Country
January 2011
53 posts
Wipe Your Feet: Black Swan Cuticles →
tesslynch.tumblr.com
Don’t read the linked piece if you’ve got a thing about damage to your nails (although actually, you might relate, because it turns out so does the author). If you do, though, you’ll be rewarded.
It seemed as though that the subconscious part of the mind had become vindictive and decided to destroy things for everyone. The mind didn’t have an answer when the body cried, “Do you see what you just did to us?” The mind chews the body’s cuticles for this reason: people who chew their nails or pick at their split ends have more endorphin receptors, it has been suggested, so the brain becomes addicted to happy feelings that come from issuing a smarting jab to the nerves. The brain also loves to keep itself occupied, because then there’s less opportunity for it to cycle endlessly wondering why it needs a body in the first place.
I think the brain wants to see what would happen if the body didn’t matter. I think the body likes to remind the brain that it’s the boss of you. Any time the body sends this message, the brain and the body meet in a bleak conference room to remind each other that they are bound for life.
Okay, look. This is going to sound terribly strange, but I’ve been following her odd writings for a while and have come to the conclusion that I want to make out with Tess Lynch’s mind. I mean yes, she’s also pretty, but she keeps saying things like this and it’s like: oh, damn.
Facebook achievements unlocked
Two things have now happened to me on Facebook that I had been spared up until now:
- A friend request from someone who was basically a high school enemy, inasmuch as I could have had enemies back then. We didn’t roll in the same social circles, we didn’t like each other at all. For what reason was this request even sent? Baffling.
- A friend request from out of the blue that resulted in the following internal monologue: “I have no idea who this is. I don’t recognize the name, and this profile pic is too small to really tell me anything, but the ‘mutual friends’ point to someone from high school, although I wish I had more than four data points for confirmation. Well, let’s accept it anyway, why not. All right, there’s another profile pic, let’s see who OH HOLY LIVING SHIT”
I hope I’m not alone in having had a crush during high school that seemed to define the shape, border, and texture of my entire life at the time? This was she. Her second profile pic was so very clearly her that it actually made me say “Holy fuck” out loud. Life seems to have treated her well; she got married in November, it looks like. Good for her; I’ve wondered every few years whatever became of her, but never thought to go looking.
Facebook, people. It’s a thing.
Multiple choice test
3 . 1 4 1 5 9 2 6 5 3
Hey , I want a fully memorable pi poetry which has
5 8 9 7 9 3 2
newly arranged sentences whereas mnemonics for pi,
3 8 4 6 2 6 4 3 3 8
the standard well trusts in verses that are not implying
3 2 7 9 5
the pi, however available words.
When I stop to consider that there are men out there sending girls messages like these on okcupid, should I be
- Amazed at the bounty of possibility that a world like this represents? Imagine, someone survived past the age of 18 with this kind of brain. What else does this planet contain?
- Relieved that these idiots are making the rest of us, specifically me, look like an amazing genius by comparison?
- Annoyed by the fact that people like this must be fucking the signal:noise ratio with a custom-built nuclear-powered nonsense dildo?
- Suicidal at the fact that even in a universe where people like this exist as comparison, I’m not up to my eyeballs in dates with eligible women?
- All of the above?
Show your work.
China Mieville is doing something on his Tumblr that I need everyone to be aware of before they go to sleep tonight →
chinamieville.net
I don’t know what it is. If these nine parts are all there is of it, I am going to scream until the inside of my own head begins to echo.
How to Handle Jeff Mangum's set at ATP →
theawl.com
This list is missing an item at the end, which is:
- When reading coverage of this set after the fact, if the author has spelled the man’s name as “Jeff Magnum,” it is considered acceptable — perhaps even required — to poop in an envelope and mail it to that author’s house, or perhaps the author’s parents’ home, in an effort to provide some measure of correction to one or more responsible parties.
DINOSAUR OFFICE
I’ve had the “Dinosaurs” drawer in my desk for nearly five years. I have never needed the space for paperwork or office accessories.
I wanna be this cool when I grow up.
I had one of these filing cabinets at my old job; literally 80% of it was snacks. I had weird Japanese candy, dried pineapple, granola bars, and emergency Pop Tarts, as well as an assortment of Ziploc containers for taking home leftovers from Friday lunch. Good times.
Soon it will be time once again for the Splendid Bowl
I don’t remember where that joke comes from; I admit this up front.
And actually, ever since I made the realization that football is a turn-based strategy game, I’ve come to greatly enjoy watching it. I’m just constitutionally incapable of following teams, or knowing about players and stats. I’m not sure I could name five current players in the entire NFL if you held a gun to my head.*
All this to say: is anyone doing anything for the Super Bowl? I can bring a snack and enthusiasm for the game as well as the commercials and movie previews. And the Puppy Bowl. Are they still doing that?
* My theory on this is that whatever part of my cortex would normally care about that stuff is busy caring about Star Trek and comic books. I can’t name any football players or tell you their pass completion percentage or whatnot, but I can tell you the ship classes of the Enterprise A-E, or name the Green Lanterns of Earth’s sector of space past and present. The line between comics nerds and sports nerds is probably much thinner than anyone thinks.
GAS BALLS
From the SAS Survival Handbook:
A ball of gas and dust may roll down the side of a volcano at a speed of more than 160kph (100mph). This phenomenon (called by scientists a nué ardente — glowing cloud) is red hot and moves too fast to be outrun. Unless there is a strongly-built underground shelter nearby, the only chance of survival is to submerge under water and hold your breath for the half-minute or so it will take to pass.
That’s right. The SAS Survival Handbook has tips for you on volcanic eruptions. That is preparedness.
Neutral Milk Hotel's Mangum Plots More Shows →
pitchfork.com
Neat!
I will believe this only when I see it with my own eyes (probably on YouTube). Jeff Mangum is less a man to me than a legendary phantom who phased into our reality just long enough to give us an amazing album of music* before discorporating.
* I’m aware there are two Neutral Milk Hotel albums, but the first one just doesn’t do it for me.
