Two things have now happened to me on Facebook that I had been spared up until now:
- A friend request from someone who was basically a high school enemy, inasmuch as I could have had enemies back then. We didn’t roll in the same social circles, we didn’t like each other at all. For what reason was this request even sent? Baffling.
- A friend request from out of the blue that resulted in the following internal monologue: “I have no idea who this is. I don’t recognize the name, and this profile pic is too small to really tell me anything, but the ‘mutual friends’ point to someone from high school, although I wish I had more than four data points for confirmation. Well, let’s accept it anyway, why not. All right, there’s another profile pic, let’s see who OH HOLY LIVING SHIT”
I hope I’m not alone in having had a crush during high school that seemed to define the shape, border, and texture of my entire life at the time? This was she. Her second profile pic was so very clearly her that it actually made me say “Holy fuck” out loud. Life seems to have treated her well; she got married in November, it looks like. Good for her; I’ve wondered every few years whatever became of her, but never thought to go looking.
Facebook, people. It’s a thing.
3 . 1 4 1 5 9 2 6 5 3
Hey , I want a fully memorable pi poetry which has
5 8 9 7 9 3 2
newly arranged sentences whereas mnemonics for pi,
3 8 4 6 2 6 4 3 3 8
the standard well trusts in verses that are not implying
3 2 7 9 5
the pi, however available words.
When I stop to consider that there are men out there sending girls messages like these on okcupid, should I be
- Amazed at the bounty of possibility that a world like this represents? Imagine, someone survived past the age of 18 with this kind of brain. What else does this planet contain?
- Relieved that these idiots are making the rest of us, specifically me, look like an amazing genius by comparison?
- Annoyed by the fact that people like this must be fucking the signal:noise ratio with a custom-built nuclear-powered nonsense dildo?
- Suicidal at the fact that even in a universe where people like this exist as comparison, I’m not up to my eyeballs in dates with eligible women?
- All of the above?
Show your work.
I’ve had the “Dinosaurs” drawer in my desk for nearly five years. I have never needed the space for paperwork or office accessories.
I wanna be this cool when I grow up.
I had one of these filing cabinets at my old job; literally 80% of it was snacks. I had weird Japanese candy, dried pineapple, granola bars, and emergency Pop Tarts, as well as an assortment of Ziploc containers for taking home leftovers from Friday lunch. Good times.
I don’t remember where that joke comes from; I admit this up front.
And actually, ever since I made the realization that football is a turn-based strategy game, I’ve come to greatly enjoy watching it. I’m just constitutionally incapable of following teams, or knowing about players and stats. I’m not sure I could name five current players in the entire NFL if you held a gun to my head.*
All this to say: is anyone doing anything for the Super Bowl? I can bring a snack and enthusiasm for the game as well as the commercials and movie previews. And the Puppy Bowl. Are they still doing that?
* My theory on this is that whatever part of my cortex would normally care about that stuff is busy caring about Star Trek and comic books. I can’t name any football players or tell you their pass completion percentage or whatnot, but I can tell you the ship classes of the Enterprise A-E, or name the Green Lanterns of Earth’s sector of space past and present. The line between comics nerds and sports nerds is probably much thinner than anyone thinks.
From the SAS Survival Handbook:
A ball of gas and dust may roll down the side of a volcano at a speed of more than 160kph (100mph). This phenomenon (called by scientists a nué ardente — glowing cloud) is red hot and moves too fast to be outrun. Unless there is a strongly-built underground shelter nearby, the only chance of survival is to submerge under water and hold your breath for the half-minute or so it will take to pass.
That’s right. The SAS Survival Handbook has tips for you on volcanic eruptions. That is preparedness.