April 2010
28 posts
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The real thing is almost guaranteed to be better,...
Anybody who’s following @colinmeloy might have seen this:
Wildwood is a classic tale of adventure, magic, and danger, set in an alternate version of modern-day Portland, Oregon.
This thing hasn’t even been written yet and it’s already a premise ripe, ripe, ripe for delicious parody.
“The Order of the Beard seeks the Key to the U-Lock for the Fixie of Destiny, o Chosen...
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Nerd Monster [dot] net: Auntie Anna →
So I kid you not. Last night I had a dream that Anna Wintour was my aunt. She had married one of my Mexican uncles, for some reason, love probably. Anyway, being the nice aunt that she is, she was over at my apartment for a visit, and looking through my clothes!!!! Her reactions were mostly…
I find this weirdly coincidental because a while ago, I also had a dream in which Anna Wintour...
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WIZARD SHOTGUN
This was from a dream I had two nights ago set at what was essentially Wizard College. We were under attack by an army of trolls, and I was given a wand that was like a shotgun for wizards: bulbous at the back end for no clear reason, with a pump-action bone collar used to somehow “prime” the wand for each devastating strike — I only had to point the end of the wand at targets...
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This will either be great or outstanding
Someone came up with a good portmanteau that means “when someone makes a cryptically dramatic Twitter or Facebook update in what looks like an attempt to garner attention,” something like “facebaiting”* or “cryptbooking,” I can’t remember what it was. Anyway, the exact term isn’t what I wanted to talk about, exactly: what I think we should do is...
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Is this a question somebody's answered already
Idle moment; not enough curiosity to try to string together the internet research: do synaesthetics report commonalities across individuals? I’m making up these examples off the top of my head, but bear with me: do they all agree that the G chord tastes like blueberries, or that the color purple smells like vanilla? Or is the experience different for each person? Someone must have tested...
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Quarterly reminder
I promise to only mention this four times a year at most: there exists a place on the internet where you can ask or tell me basically anything; I might respond or not, depending on what it is, but it’s there.
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Melatonin time
It’s gonna be another one of those Sunday nights where I need the aid of melatonin to get to sleep. Does this happen to anybody else? I only seem to ever need it on Sundays. Is it just that I’m excited about the new week coming up? I wonder what this says about me as a person. What do you think?
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I may have finally lost it
I’m contemplating making a separate Google Calendar that’ll indicate specific grocery purchases and what meals I’m making when. I realize this sounds like madness, but it also sounds like it’ll help me get shit organized, so when I think to myself at 5pm, “What am I having for dinner?” my Google Calendar will already know, instead of realizing I don’t...
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It was the first image that sprang to mind
Hang the fuck on.
Based on best-selling novelist Nicholas Sparks’ forthcoming novel, “The Last Song” is set in a small Southern beach town where an estranged father gets a chance to spend the summer with his reluctant teenaged daughter, who’d rather be home in New York.
There’s a movie out now based on a Nicholas Sparks novel that hasn’t even been released yet?...
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Follow me through this one
Excerpt from an email I sent recently:
What if [celebrity] looks weird naked? What if you dream about him and when he takes his clothes off, he’s got some kind of lizard body?
The horror of it is that now that I’ve imagined it, it’s probably real somewhere, isn’t it? There’s a website out there right now crammed full of celebrities’ heads crudely photoshopped...
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What is going on
The bike ride home is harder than the ride to get to work, mostly because I have to go up some hills I went down on my way there, and also there’s a headwind blowing in through the Golden Gate channel. So I have a playlist on my iPod for my personal sound system labeled “BIKE” that I put on shuffle for the ride home.
Here’s what’s weird: despite being on shuffle, the...
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The inevitable consequence
Of course, you realize what’s going to happen, don’t you? In about a hundred years, there’s going to be a juggalo physicist who figures the whole thing out. Everything. It will be named “Tha Skullfucka’z Grand Unified Field Theory.” It will contain something called the Shaggy2Dope constant. Future quantum physicists and textbooks will put it into their equations...
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Perhaps I am overly optimistic
Am I being overly optimistic about my own abilities as a master of language or about the nature of humanity itself when I say I bet I actually could explain magnets to the Insane Clown Posse? And to juggalos in general?
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Sounds about right
gifparty:
I’d say something like this happens in my day at least once a week, if not more. And that’s my courageous story
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I'm just talking here
Now that we’re in that part of the year where people start doing things to lawns, can we talk about leafblowers? I have no idea what the actual numbers are, but I have to imagine that when you take all the leafblowers in use across the country and tally up the gasoline usage and engine emissions, that shit is nontrivial. I realize this is a lost cause because leafblowers are really...
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Margarita Movies: Clash of the Titans: Clash of... →
I’m 30 years old! FUCK. This weekend has been pretty intense. So anyway, April Fools Day is my birthday. This year I am 30 ancient years old, which I am not happy about. Team Margarita Movie’s innate goodness made it all better, though.
So Dan and I have the customary pre-MM BluJam lunch. Kamil,…
Note to any of my internet people or local pals: when I refer to “my LA...
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Buddha has a ghost penis that lives in your cereal
YouTube used to have a link on every video page that, when clicked, hid the comments. I’m not the only person who remembers this, right? The fuck happened to that link? Why would anyone think that it was an awesome idea to remove our ability to hide the stupid, insane shit that accompanies literally every single video on that entire site? In commemoration of this act, I believe we need...
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Crucial Complaints Office ticket #4520A98F
I’m fairly certain there are two kinds of animal crackers:
The good kind are kind of like crackers in texture, and have a faint, vaguely lemony undertaste
The bad kind are more like cookies than crackers, and have a distinctly greasier mouthfeel
Here’s the thing: you used to be able to buy the good kind at Costco in a giant plastic container shaped more or less like a bear, with a...
