March 2010
26 posts
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Highly belated realization
I once made out with a girl whose saliva had a very faint metallic taste. Long after the fact, this just hit me: is that what it would taste like to make out with an android?
On the heels of that thought: who was the best-tasting girl I ever made out with? I have no idea, but I bet I could probably come up with a candidate given enough time to reflect. Has anyone else ever thought about this?
February 2010
30 posts
1 tag
For real, people
Every day where I have to see an Alice in Wonderland billboard or ad of any kind with that trauma-inducing Depp rictusing at me is another day where I lose just a little more of the retroactive goodwill toward Tim Burton movies I’ve built up over my life.
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carson
allcreatures:
faithandbegorrah:
morninggloria:
Carson seems sad. A lot of the dogs at PAWS are from Animal Care and Control, and so when they get to the adoption center with its play rooms and frequent walks and warm blankets and toys and people to pet them, it’s the best they’ve ever had it. Carson, though, is an owner relinquishment to PAWS, so he used to have a house and he used to...
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I guess I have a built-in alarm clock of some kind
In my dream, there was a spider inside a plastic tray hanging at eye-level that I was washing out with a hose; when I turned the hose on the spider, it jumped on me. My whole body spasmed in surprise and horror so hard that it actually woke me up. I’ve been awake for at least an hour now, so I guess I might as well get the day started. Fuck you, dream-spider.
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“The initial reaction of folks like me, of course, is to dismiss these people....”
– Dan Grover » Toward a Grand Unified Theory of n00bs (via secondverse)
HELLO BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY ALERT
I think I had this idea a while ago, actually: Internet Native Guides. Are you a n00b? Do you want to …
File a complaint with your local BBB over something that happened to you?
...
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There is only one correct banana bread
And that is the kind with chocolate chips in it. You ain’t gonna put chocolate chips in yo banana bread, you best take that weak shit off the table and bring it back home to yo gramma. And even yo gramma gonna call bullshit! Banana bread gots to have chocolate chips! Go big or go home!
I have spoken.
(someone left a loaf of banana bread in the office kitchen that had chocolate chips in...
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About the grapefruit juice
All right, listen.
I know you’ve seen me in the office dumping a packet of sugar into the grapefruit juice we get here in little individual-sized bottles. I love grapefruit juice, but adding sugar is the only way to make this particular grapefruit juice good.
Let me explain.
I’ve eaten grapefruit before. Many times. I love grapefruit! I’ll dig into half a grapefruit and...
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I wonder if I'm the only one
Does this ever happen to you:
You’re on the toilet at the office
You recall a hilarious memory
You start to laugh
You stop yourself just in time
You think: “If there was someone in the stall next to me, I’d probably sound like some kind of fucking lunatic had that laugh gone through”
Or am I really the only one?
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Smoove Is Not A Fan Of Valentine's Day →
claytoncubitt:
“Despite these inconveniences, the main reason Smoove does not like Valentine’s Day is that women always expect their men to bump up their game on that night. Now, that makes sense if you are dating a man who is not Smoove. If your romantic output normally hovers around 5 or 10 percent, then increasing that number to 20 percent is a sensible thing. However, what the ladies don’t...
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I apologize for this in advance
I blame this on having downloaded a torrent months ago called simply “The 90s,” full of 2GB worth of nostalgia, and leaving “Nuthin but a G Thang” on my iPod. The first line just popped into my head last night while it was playing, and I had to take it to some sort of conclusion. I am sorry about this.
Droppin the funky shit that’s makin the sucka bloggers mumble ...
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Where does this damn hole come from
I’ve got a hole opening up in another pair of jeans. This hole is in more or less the same location that all my pants-holes eventually end up in:
Put your left hand over your junk, fingers pointing down.
See where the nail of your pinky finger ended up?
That’s more or less where the hole tends to be.
What is that? What makes the hole open up there? It takes a while to happen,...
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Fox News is running a poll about the Tea Party... →
georgiaisyourfriend:
michaelbusch:
drinkyourjuice:
androogenous:
One of the choices is “Fruitless mix of racism, conspiracy theories.” Get on it, Tumblr.
Seriously, vote. I’d love to see them report this.
Oh, this is fun.
hehehe…lets do this.
The fact that the “fruitless mix” choice is currently in the lead by 45% is more delicious than the best chocolate.
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True tales of Vegas
This might be the weirdest extemporaneous thing to have come out of my mouth that weekend, possibly for the whole year thus far.
SETTING: A hotel room on the 18th floor of a hotel/casino on the Strip. Several people are in the process of getting ready to face the day. It’s sometime in the 11:00am hour.
ANDY: (looking out the window) What’s that in the sky? Are those balloons or...
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Who do I know in prototyping
What the world needs is an alarm clock which, when it goes off, plays the Mortal Kombat announcer saying “Round two: FIGHT” followed by the theme to the movie. I’m fairly certain this would not only wake just about anybody up, it would provide the correct mood for the start of the day.
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It is now time to tell you about something
In about half an hour, a new episode of Fringe will be on, and I’m gonna watch it. That’s right, Fringe, motherfuckers! Here’s what it is: did you ever watch The X-Files? Did you get the feeling maybe partway through season 2 or so that those guys were just kind of making it up as they went along? The guys who are making Fringe seem to have actually sat down, built a world, and...
This is a second test post
I’m just making sure the commenting system works more or less correctly.
And now, some opinions from an asshole
This is a test post. It contains test content!
